The News

Here is a roundup of the news of the week for busy people who don’t have the time or patience to sit down for long periods.  It can be applied anywhere:

• A group of politicians met in a European country. They stayed in nice hotels and ate lovely meals while claiming substantial expenses. They all agreed it was a very worthwhile meeting and promised to do it all again soon.

• The Government stated today that it was doing a great job. Opposition parties said they were failing miserably. Only a few showed up in Parliament to discuss it and it is anticipated that another few might turn up tomorrow.

• A whole bunch of people killed another bunch of people somewhere for a reason that nobody quite understands. All attempts at bringing about peace have failed but participants are optimistic about finding a resolution in twenty years or so.

• Opinion polls published this week showed that the government is up a few points and the opposition parties are down some and vice versa depending on where you look. Everyone was pleased when they were up but were dead set against polls when it showed them in a negative light. The government is commissioning a poll to see if polls are worthwhile. Meanwhile, an epidemic of polls is anticipated in the run up to the election.

• The number of patients on hospital trollies is getting longer. Lots of initiatives and plans have been put in place to solve the problem but nothing has worked. It’s likely that in the future, nothing will change. The government is looking at the possibility of buying more trollies.

• An investigative journalist is preparing to break a story about a number of government ministers who have shares in a hospital trolley making factory.

• Figures for the numbers of homeless people are rising. Opposition parties have agreed to do a lot of moaning about the issue. The government spokesperson has said that they have solved the problem and have advised people to stop talking about it.

• The weather: It will be wet and windy with some calm, dry sunny spells and scattered showers of sleet and snow on the high ground with flooding on low ground while remaining warm for this time of the year with cold snaps predicted. Orange, yellow and other coloured alerts will remain in force forever.