Those of you who have read this column previously will know I have, occasionally, been known to have a whinge or a moan. I am prepared to admit that I sometimes have a bit of a rant when something gets up my nostrils and I have been accused of becoming a grumpy old man by some. Friends and family members have been among my fiercest critics. And that’s not a problem, I can take it and I don’t let it get to me. Having said that, they are no longer my friends and I have cut myself off from my family and I intend to change my name by deed poll shortly.
Their attitude doesn’t surprise me though because it’s a well-known fact that the great are often mocked. Leonardo Da Vinci was laughed at when he showed people his early drawings of a submarine. Van Gogh was mocked when he cut off his ear because he wanted to give it to a prostitute as a token of his love for her. Although, in fairness, he probably asked for that. I’ll have the last laugh though when I collect my Nobel Prize for my contribution to literature. Anyway, I intend to prove my detractors wrong and from now on I am going to be positive. You’ll hear no more complaining from me and that’s my New Year’s resolution.
Someone once said that New Year’s resolutions are a bit like babies: They’re fun to make but extremely difficult to maintain. Resolutions don’t have a high success rate and statistically, only a small percentage of people do keep them. It is thought that while 75% of people stick to their goals for at least a week, less than half are still on target after six months. We start off full of enthusiasm on the first of January but by the end of the month many of us have already decided to throw in the towel. So, if at this stage, you’re struggling, don’t worry about it. Statistically you’re bang on target to fail.
But there is one resolution that would be easy to keep and it would benefit everyone and that is a return to the good old tradition of using good manners.
When I was a youngster, manners were very important. One of the most common questions I heard as a child was “Where are your manners?” And it wasn’t only your nearest and dearest that would pull you up on it. It was quite acceptable for anyone to question you on the current whereabouts of your manners. There was an unwritten rule that allowed any adult to take a child to task for not saying please or thank you. As far as I’m concerned that was a good thing because it made it socially unacceptable to be unmannerly.
I was in the Fota Resort over the Christmas with my grandson for the annual visit to Santa. It was a great experience and after we had seen the man himself, I went to buy a cup of coffee. There were about four or five other people ahead of me and they were ordering chips and burgers. Their order kept changing as some had specific requirements. With cheese, without, with ketchup, with mayonnaise, plain etc. Then there was a variety of drinks as well, hot, cold, fizzy and diet versions if they were available. The poor guy behind the counter was struggling to keep up.
Throughout this ordering process I didn’t hear a single please or thank you. That shouldn’t have surprised me in this day and age but it did. There was a time when the lack of good manners would be unusual but now, unfortunately, the opposite seems to be the case. It’s rare to see someone holding a door open for somebody else but it’s also the case that if you do make the effort to assist someone, they won’t acknowledge your effort. Challenging anyone over their lack of consideration would probably result in a feed of abuse.
Years ago, if you reached over someone’s plate for something at the table you got a crack on the back of the hand and you were told to ask for the item to be passed to you. It was a crime to put your elbows on the table. Slurping was completely out. How often were you told to put your hand to your mouth when you were yawning or coughing? How many times were you told not to speak with your mouth full? If you were guilty of any of these transgressions, then that was a stain, not only on you, but your whole family because that proved you were ‘dragged up.’
On the other hand, the arrival of multiculturalism has introduced us to different ways of doing things and we need to be aware of new customs and traditions. We need to appreciate that what passes for good manners in one society may be considered rude in another. For instance, the “okay” gesture we make by connecting the thumb and forefinger in a circle and holding the other fingers straight, is widely recognised as a sign that everything is alright. However, in parts of southern Europe and South America this is an offensive gesture. I have been at dinner where it was acceptable for the person on your right to put their left hand in your plate and take some food. You may not want to sit at a table where belching is taken as a sign that a meal was appreciated and where flatulence is acceptable. But it happens so you better get used to it.
But feel free to behave how you like when you’re out with me because I won’t complain. That’s my New Year’s resolution, for as long as it lasts.