Mosquitoes and horseflies haven’t gone away you know!

When it comes to bugs, creepy crawlies and other creatures that we don’t like the look of, we all have our pet hates. For some it’s spiders or wasps, while for others it might be something bigger like rats or mice.

My preferred object of hate is probably one of the smallest creatures on the Planet. The mosquito.

To be fair, I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual because they go to great lengths to find me and they regularly ignore other potential candidates to search me out. They obviously have a massive spy network and a great communication system because the miniute I land in a foreign country, they know about it.

They always send a welcoming committee to let me know that they will be watching me for the duration of my visit. Sometimes, it’s just me and there have been occasions when I have been out with friends and targeted for an assault and the only one to wake up the next day full of lumps.

I suffer at home too. In Ireland, we are probably more familiar with the horse fly than the mosquito. They must be related though because they have a lot of the same characteristics. They are fast, strong fliers and are usually found around streams, marshes, and wooded areas.

After the bite from these, a lump appears just like the mozzie and it gets just as itchy. They’re more determined than the mosquito though because once a horse fly decides you’re on his lunch menu, he will be persistent. No amount of swatting or waving at it will get him to leave you alone and he will fight to the death.

I lived out in the countryside for many years and my neighbour loved being out in the garden in the summer. He would often be out there from early morning till late in the evening, in a t-shirt, doing various bits and pieces. I would go out for an hour to cut the grass in a long sleeve shirt, buttoned up to the neck, long pants, helmet, goggles and gloves, and I would be bitten while Frank wouldn’t have a mark on him.

I have heard many different explanations about why these insects chose one person over another. Some say it has to do with body heat or the scent of sweat or they are attracted to a blood type. Whatever the reason is, they are attracted to me.

I have tried everything over the years to keep them at bay including sprays, creams, wrist bands, scented candles, garlic and seances with limited success.
When I’m on holidays I get fanatical about keeping doors and windows closed in the evening. My blood pressure goes through the roof at a time when I’m supposed to be relaxed and chilling out. They just drive me insane.

It’s not that they’re vicious. They won’t kill you and in fact you probably won’t even know you’ve been bitten by one until the following day when the lumps arrive. Then you start to feel the itch and it’s that itch that drives some people to distraction.

The worst thing is lying in bed at night and just as you’re about to head off to sleep, you hear that high-pitched whine of the mozzie in your ear. You know the miniute you hear it that it’s time to go to war. There’s nothing else for it.

There’s no point in pretending that you didn’t hear it or just hoping that it will go away. No chance, because that creature has only one thing on his mind. He’s hungry and whether you like it or not, he is planning to gorge himself on your body during the night until he is so full he can hardly move.

So, there’s only one thing for it, time to hop out of bed, find the enemy and eliminate him. But that’s easier said than done though because they’re difficult to find. They’re sneaky buggers. Every now and then they’ll buzz in your ear just to taunt you before disappearing again.

A little trick I picked up in Cyprus a few years ago is to turn off the lights in the room and just turn on your phone. They will be attracted to that and then you can sneak up and ambush them. Another thing I discovered is that Tiger Balm, which is available in all pharmacies, can often be effective at keeping them at bay.

It’s used mainly for sore muscles I think, so it heats your skin a little when you apply it first but it’s a small price to pay for a mozzie free evening. It has a fairly pungent odour as well, so you might smell like a post-match rugby locker room but it’s worth it.

According to National Geographic, few creatures evoke the hatred that mosquitoes do, and the bad news is that there are more than 3,000 species of them. The other piece of bad news is that global efforts to stop the spread of mosquitoes are having little effect, and many scientists think global warming will increase their number.

Mosquitoes breed in standing water, so properties near ponds, marshes, and depressions that collect rainwater are at risk. Some mosquito species are active at different times of the day, but most emerge just before dusk and are active at night. Researchers have found that one solution for those plagued by mosquitoes is to thrash about, and the insects learn to give you a wide berth.

If that’s the best advice these researchers can come up with, then they need to go back to the drawing board and make a better effort. “Thrashing about” isn’t very scientific and that suggestion is unlikely to win them the ‘Brainwave of the year’ award.