Leave your bum alone and don’t be such an eejit!

When I was about five years old, I had surgery for a pyloric stenosis. In layman’s language, a pyloric stenosis is a narrowing of the opening from the stomach to the small intestine. Symptoms include projectile vomiting.

I remember being out playing on the street with the other kids and I’d run in home to get sick and then run back out to play again. It was normal as far as I was concerned, and it didn’t knock a feather out of me. Eventually, I had to go to the Mercy Hospital in 1963 to have it sorted and I remember being sore after the operation.

I can also remember looking out the window at my mother as she waved up to me before heading off to the railway station for the train home. But mostly, I recall being left with a long and elevated scar on my stomach that has remained with me to this day as a reminder of that visit to hospital.

It didn’t take me long to realise that hospitals were associated with surgery and surgery was associated with pain, so they were to be avoided as much as possible.

As a teenager, I was back in the Mercy again, this time for a pilonidal sinus. In medical terms it’s described as a small hole in the skin that fills with fluid or pus, causing a cyst or abscess. It occurs in the cleft at the top of the buttocks. A pilonidal cyst usually contains hair, dirt, and debris. It can cause severe pain and can often become infected.

That’s a very good description of it and I can confirm that it does indeed cause severe pain. I am informed that the treatment for this has changed over the years but back then, they drilled a hole into the infected area. Then they packed the hole with a long thin strip of gauze which was left in place until it soaked up a lot of the gunk inside. Then they took it out it and repacked it with fresh gauze.

That sounds like a simple procedure, but the reality was that it was taken out with a tweezers. Inch by painful inch, it was slowly pulled out and the pain was excruciating. I remember the most comfortable position for me, while it was being removed, was to lean out the bathroom window, holding onto the window sill with both hands, and a cloth between my teeth. It was not pleasant.

My most recent visit to hospital was to the Mater Private in Dublin for robotic surgery to remove my prostate. This gland and myself had a falling out and it turned against me, so it had to go. This surgery also left me in some discomfort and I’m still recovering from it which brings me to the point of my story.

There is a growing market for cosmetic surgery and I find it difficult to understand why anybody would submit themselves to a surgical procedure when there is no medical need for it. The idea of going through that pain and suffering to get a different nose, a larger bum or bigger boobs is beyond me. There’s a difference between cosmetic surgery and plastic surgery and I fully understand the need for plastic surgery.

Plastic surgery is often required for reconstruction of facial and body defects due to birth disorders, trauma, burns, and disease and is intended to correct areas of the body that have been damaged and is reconstructive in nature. That’s completely understandable.

Cosmetic surgery, on the other hand, is focused on enhancing appearance and includes the likes of breast enhancement, rhinoplasty, chin enhancement, facelift, eyelid lift, tummy tuck, liposuction and filler treatments. This is mainly for people who are not happy with some of their bit and pieces including their bottoms.

In case you haven’t heard of it, let me introduce you to the Brazilian Butt Lift. If you grew up in the same era as I did you will be familiar with the question, “Does my bum look big in this?” Well it seems that now, thanks to a lady by the name of Kim Kardashian, that has changed, and big bottoms are all the rage. It’s now a case of, “Does my bum look big enough in this?”

The procedure to increase your butt size isn’t cheap and costs about £8,000 in the UK and it doesn’t sound pleasant either.

The fat is extracted from a patient’s thighs and injected into their buttocks to give it a fuller appearance. Sounds weird but it is very popular because nearly 320,000 buttock augmentation or buttock lift procedures were performed globally in 2015, according to the International Society of Aesthetic and Cosmetic Surgery, but it’s not all plain sailing.

There can be complications from BBL including severe infections, scarring, wound ruptures and abscesses and there is a risk that the fat can travel to the heart or brain. So, if you’re considering having this done, be careful who you go to.

According to The Guardian, Prosecutors in Rio de Janeiro have charged a celebrity plastic surgeon, known as “Dr Bumbum”, with homicide for carrying out an aesthetic procedure that resulted in the death of one of his patients. They said he injected more than the recommended quantity of a synthetic resin into her buttocks.

The British Association of Aesthetic and Plastic Surgeons advises that travelling abroad for this surgery should be avoided as you can’t be certain about the surgeons or hospital you are being treated in. You should only undergo surgery in a fully registered hospital with full intensive care support.

My advice is better. Just keep the bum you were born with and don’t even think about surgery until the time comes that you really need it.

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